How to raise strong girls: The Feminist Fiction Starter Guide

(how to rid the world of ingrained and internalized misogyny)

Do you want to raise strong, smart, ambitious and independent girls? Do you want to be the kind of person who makes a difference in the world? READ. Read about women! Read from the Feminist Fiction Starter Guide.

As the oldest child of a typical Mormon family, growing up in Colorado, I never grew up with the word feminist. Then in college at BYU I heard the word thrown around as an almost ‘dirty’ word. It wasn’t until years later in graduate program at BYU that I came to understand feminist to mean someone who shares a common goal: to define, establish and achieve equal political economic, personal and social rights for women. And then I realized I AM a feminist. A staunch one at that. I had been raised to be a strong, independent woman who would think and act for herself, defending human rights for all and wanting others to have the same realization- feminism is a good thing.

So what shaped me all those years leading up to this epiphany? READING. Reading wonderful fiction that had female protagonists who got real stuff done. They overcame hard things, helped others who were down, they learned about boys, dating and heartbreak, they grew into their bodies over those awkward teenage years, and they conquered and achieved.

THE RED TENT by Anita Diamant- This book gave me a love for the old testament. I like the female perspective on a story that I had read and heard only from the biblical (male) perspective. In a wonderful blend of historical and fiction Diamant gives a voice to Dinah, the one and only daughter in the famous 12 tribes of Israel family.

ANNE OF GREEN GABLES LM Montgomery- Anne is one of those headstrong fiery characters (plus she has great red hair!) who lives life to the fullest. She never lets social convention or the ‘norms’ dictate her behavior. She is smart and pursues her education so intently that she competes for top of the class with the boys. She won’t let boys bully her and she is a loyal and devoted friend.

MISTS OF AVALON by Marion Zimmer Bradley- This is the King Arthur story told from the powerful and passionate women in his life. Morganne is the sister that gets a bad rap, or is forgotten in other king arthur stories, but here- she reigns as the best Camelot has to offer. The complex web of women at this time is told with their plots for power, love and magical/mystical influences.

ELLA ENCHANTED by Gale Carson Levine- I am definitely the kind of person who doesn’t like being told what to do, so I felt for Ella as she was cursed with the gift of obedience. Because of her goodness and perseverance she is able to overcome the spell and finds true love (the ideal!).

THE HELP by Kathryn Stockett- I have always had a soft spot in my heart for those suffering from civil rights injustices. I could really connect to the various women’s stories and I wanted redemption and recourse for those wrongs against black women in the south. I think young girls need to recognize the issue of race in America and how to not be narrow minded or discriminate.

THE HUNGER GAMES by Suzanne Collins- I love how Katniss is the protector of her family. I am also the oldest child and I would like to imagine I could begin a war all because I wanted to protect my little sister from a brutal death game. Katniss is bold and yet flawed and we get to see her grow, overcome obstacles, and accept the harder facts of life. She made me want to be a strong fighter but also someone who lived life passionately.  

ISLAND OF THE BLUE DOLPHINS by Scott O'Dell- This is a survival story at it’s heart, making Karana a real inspiration to girls. She was left behind by her tribe on their island and is forced to build shelter, find food, make weapons and fight her enemies, alone. This is a coming of age story giving insight to another culture and teaching some practical survival skills.

LITTLE WOMEN by Louisa May Alcott- There is such a range of women in this book that a young reader can learn from. Jo is my personal favorite, but there are so many life choices that each March sister faces that teach girls about growing up. You can be like Amy and aspire to have many wealthy beaus, or you could be like Meg and marry a good honest man, or you can be like Jo and seek a career and teaching job. This classic is a reflection on American life during the time of the Civil War and helps readers see options for the way they approach the world and relationships.

Others that I haven’t personally read but come highly recommended in this category:

• Princess Academy by Shannon Hale
• Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
• Buddha in the Attic by Julia Otsuka
• The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
• Harriet the Spy Louise Fitshugh
• Are you there God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
• Uglies by Scott Westfeld
• The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
• Walk two Moons by Sharon Creech

Get the Guy

Get the Guy: learn secrets of the male mind to find the man you want and the love you deserve 
By Matthew Hussey
HarperWave, 2013. 250 pages. Nonfiction.

Get the Guy is a in depth guide on how to to understand the male psyche and practical techniques to actually get a man you want and deserve. Matthew Hussey is a leading relationship expert and gives an honest male perspective to many of the typical behaviors displayed by women when dating. He’s like a real life Hitch!

The first part of the book talks about finding the guy- how it’s a number game, you need the mindset of the chooser, and the traits of a desirable woman, building conversations into dates, and online dating. Then he talks about how to get the guy- the formula for attraction, insecurities, creating a great date, intimacy, premature obligation, and why some women get stuck in the friend trap. Then the third part, which I found to be the best part- how to keep the guy. He tells about how to tell if he’s right for you, what guys really think about commitment, and how to create a love that lasts. Each section has so many seemingly obvious tips and insight that it’s silly that every single woman isn’t applying them.

If you are single this is a must read!  Rehashing and talking things out with girlfriends is never as effective as you hope in understanding the guy’s mind. This book is a treasure of sound very real advice. Every guy and relationship is unique but the perspectives found here are very practical, useful and written in a very approachable way. I have already begun applying its principles (with success!) and recommended it to several friends.

Beyond All Dreams

Beyond All Dreams
By Elizabeth Camden
Bethany House 2015, 362 pages. Fiction.

Set in 1897 Washington, D.C., this is a Christian historical romance mystery novel about two unlikely people discovering their true selves, finding love and uncovering political secrets. Anna O'Brien, a librarian at the Library of Congress is assigned to assist the handsome and charming young congressman Luke Callahan with political research. As they work together more political secrets are uncovered and some seem to link to her father’s shipwreck from 15 years previous. As the secrets are uncovered their relationship is strained as personalities clash and public work life meet.

As a mystery book alone this story would fall very flat, but for a historical/romance/ fiction book it was quite lovely. It was a really fast read and fairly predictable, but also so heartwarming. I could relate to the characters and I really liked the way the various relationships played out. Strong Christian values were interspersed, but not overwhelming. This book made me want to read other Elizabeth Camden novels. If you like the TV show Scandal then you'd like this clean, historical version of DC political and PR drama and romance.

Eat, Pray, Love

Eat, pray, love one woman's search for everything across Italy, India, and Indonesia
By Elizabeth Gilbert
Penguin Books, 2006. 334 pages. Biography, Nonfiction.

Eat, pray, love is an engrossing biography about finding oneself after tragedy and change. In rather rash turn of events, Elizabeth Gilbert finds herself newly divorced, heartbroken from a passionate love affair and in real need of some soul searching. She begins her journey in Italy where she has taken a vow of celibacy, focusing instead on learning Italian and eating- eating lots and lots of pizza. After gorging herself in the rich Italian culture, Liz makes her way to India where she spends time focusing on her spiritual self. There she practices meditation, yoga and sheds her newly acquired pizza weight, as she muddles through her emotional issues. Next she is off to Indonesia where she unexpectedly meets a man and slowly falls in love again. With each new place she meets people that help her learn and grow to arrive at a more confident, happy and self-aware state of becoming.

As I read this book I couldn’t put it down. Learning about the various countries made me have serious wander-lust and crave that kind of cultural immersion. I have been a yoga fan for years, so the idea of in-depth yoga retreat sounds hard and exciting. I am a sucker for a love story, especially when the woman is not expecting a relationship to appear.  However, since finishing the book the whole thing seems rather self-indulgent and fantastical. Most people cannot drop their entire life, no matter how hard it becomes, to go on this kind of exceptional adventure. It is an entertaining read, but I would caution readers to avoid equating themselves to the author, or aspiring to have similar experiences.

Leadership and Self-Deception: getting out of the box
By The Arbinger Institute
Berrett-Koehler, 2010. 199 pages. Nonfiction.

Bud is excited because he has been hired at a new company. But unbeknownst to him, he is beginning more than just a new job- he is on a personal journey to learn how to get ‘out-of-the-box.’ With the help of his new bosses, Bud sees how his interactions with people can change for the better, and how his new perspective can positively effect change in his family and business life. With Bud, we learn how self-deception and self-betrayal are at the crux of every choice, and how to avoid this detrimental thinking and behavior. By learning to think and interact differently with others, Bud effectively removes himself from the damaging cycle of living in the box.

This book has been one of the most impactful books of my life. I am not exaggerating when I say it changed the way I look at every relationship whether with co-workers, significant others, family, or strangers. This is the kind of business and self-help book that surprises you with a story line that you want to follow as it draws you into the principles discussed. My way of thinking about people drastically changed and it’s both refreshing and frustrating to see how much room for improvement I had in my various relationships. I would recommend this book to be read by all, and reread often because principles that ring true are often forgotten without constant diligence.